


we'll be just fine (i know that we will)

by fastforwardty



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Angst, Forever Home, M/M, also dan's a lil anxious boy, also my meg ryan references might be Too Niche, and joe vs the volcano, bc it be like that sometimes, bc our boys are Good Communicators, but based it Heavily on phan, but it's all good in the end, but yall should go watch when harry met sally, hey kids, house talk, i Originally wrote this for my short fiction class, it's a Goodun, just a bit, oh and they're Fluffy, tom hanks is in that one, we stan fluffy domestic banter in 2018 too, we stan healthy communication in 2018
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-18
Updated: 2018-05-18
Packaged: 2019-05-08 09:58:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,369
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14691807
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fastforwardty/pseuds/fastforwardty
Summary: (title from west by sleeping at last)in the nine years he's been with dan, phil's done a lot of thinking about houses. mostly, why they still don't live in one.





	we'll be just fine (i know that we will)

**Author's Note:**

> i should probably put the shit i put in the tags Here instead of the tags but i like using separate tags like lil pauses for Effect

The knee digging into Phil’s back woke him up. He shifted uncomfortably, trying to get away. The knee seemed to follow him, stretching further and further across the bed after him. After nearly ten years of sharing, one would think they’d learned how to sleep in the same bed. He checked the time on him phone and gave up; it wasn’t like he'd get much more sleep anyway. He looked down at the body sprawled across the bed and smirked, leaning down to place a kiss on the hair-covered forehead just barely peeking out from under the blankets.

Phil decided to go to the living room instead of trying to wake Sleeping Beauty. He figured,  _ a few more minutes won’t hurt _ . There wasn’t much for him to do until they were both awake, as lately they’d been promising each other breakfast and TV shows together in the mornings. It’d been a pretty nice system so far, but it didn’t mean very much when they typically woke up together anyway. Maybe this morning, Phil could make breakfast for the two of them. Something more substantial than a bowl of cereal. He was already awake after all, and he would probably be the only one awake for at least long enough to make pancakes. It had been a while since they’d had those.

He went to the kitchen and began pulling ingredients from the cabinets, careful not to let any of the doors bang too loudly. Phil wanted this to be a nice surprise to wake up to, as if waking up together wasn’t nice enough as is. He began making the batter, taking glances at the different knick-knacks all over the countertops. Little trinkets and toys collected on their travels, framed photographs to make any foreign destination part of their home. Years of adventures had accumulated and found themselves scattered all over every nook and cranny of their apartment, showing up at every unexpected turn in the most welcome way possible. Phil longed for the day they could actually  _ own _ their home, rather than rent it — hang their pictures on the walls without getting fined for putting nails in the drywall. _ Some things just take time _ , he thought, stirring the batter.

Phil was nearly finished stacking pancakes on the second plate when he heard the familiar patter of bare feet on the tiles behind him.

“Well look at you being the gourmet chef,” said a groggy morning voice. A head rested on Phil’s shoulders, watching him slide the last pancake onto the plate.

“I was hoping you could’ve stayed in bed for at  _ least  _ another two minutes,” Phil grinned. “I was going for a breakfast-in-bed kinda thing.”

The head on him shoulder shifted as it spoke, “You’re cute, but you know you can’t keep me away from food.”

“No, I cannot,” Phil turned the burner off, pulling him shoulder out from under Dan’s head.

“I think me and pancakes are soulmates,” Dan smiled.

“Oh? More than you and me?” Phil joked.

“Definitely. It’s a match made in heaven.”

“Whatever you say,” Phil couldn’t help the fondness in his voice that came with the smile on his lips.

“Stop judging me, you dork.”

“You’re the one admitting your thing for breakfast foods, my dear.”

Dan rolled his eyes, still unable to hide him fond grin. “So, what are we watching today?”

Phil grabbed the two plates and followed Dan to the breakfast bar, pulling out one of the stools with his foot as he sat the plates down. “I was thinking a movie or something? What’s something we haven’t seen yet?”

“I’ve been wanting to watch  _ When Harry Met Sally _ ,” Dan pulled out his own stool and sat down, moving a plate closer to him.

“Along with every other film Meg Ryan’s ever been in,” Phil pulled out two forks and two knives from the drawer next to him. He handed a set to Dan who took it and quickly began eating.

“Yeah, so?” Dan smiled.

“That’s a lot of movies to watch, don’t you think? And how many of them are really worth it?” Phil said, still chewing.

“You’re the one who made me watch  _ Joe Versus the Volcano _ , I can’t help it you’ve got me addicted,” Dan began cutting into his own stack of pancakes.

“Those are literally the only two films worth watching.”

“Meg Ryan would let me watch all of them.”

“Meg Ryan’s like 60, you know?”

“You’re obsessed with Molly Ringwald! Am I not allowed to have a celebrity crush, too?” Dan reasoned jokingly.

“You’re so ridiculous,” Phil rolled his eyes and smiled. “And I still can’t believe you’ve never seen  _ When Harry Met Sally _ .”

“It’s been on my list of movies to watch  _ exclusively _ with you,” Dan said obviously.

“And it’s taken us a  _ decade  _ to get around to it?”

“You’re the one who kept making us watch  _ Buffy _ . And it hasn’t even been a decade yet!”

“I can  _ round, _ can’t I? And  _ you’re _ the one who always wanted to watch  _ Moulin Rouge _ .”

“It’s a  _ good movie _ !”

“It may be a good movie, but how many times does a person really need to watch Nicole Kidman and Ewan McGregor’s tragic love affair?”

“Infinitely many,” Dan reasoned. “It’s really a nail in the coffin for romantic tragedies.”

“It’s the nail in the coffin for Baz-Luhrmann musical satire,” Phil joked, “and you still cry every time.”

“Through no fault of my own,” they laughed at their silly words; these kinds of arguments always came with smiles on their faces. “So,  _ When Harry Met Sally _ ?”

“I believe that was the consensus, yes.”

“Then we’re sorted.”

“Indeed we are,” they grinned at each other with their mouthfuls and went back to eating their pancakes.

The two were laying on the couch, each one curled into their own end but their feet meeting in the middle, tangled together. Phil looked over at the end of the movie and noticed Dan sniffling, wiping at his face. 

“Really?” he chuckled.

Dan wiped at him face again. “It’s really sweet,” he sniffled.

Phil laughed and shook his head. “You’ve seen this movie before!”

“Yeah, so?” Dan shifted him way closer to Phil on the other side of the couch. “Don’t tell me you didn’t tear up a  _ little  _ bit at the very end.”

Phil resigned to it, smirking as he opened his arms to Dan, who fell into them happily. “Alright, maybe just the teeniest,  _ tiniest  _ bit.”

“Is there anything else you wanna watch?” Dan looked up at Phil. “You’ve been talking about that show on Netflix, haven’t you?”

“Actually, I kinda, uh, wanted to talk about something,” he felt Dan tense up under his arm. “It’s nothing bad or anything, just like, something that’s been on my mind,” Dan loosened back into his side. Phil took a deep breath.

“I’ve just been thinking about this apartment lately—and I know we always say these things are just temporary, but temporary always means moving from one apartment to another,” he paused. “Any place is fine as long as I’m with you, but I just wanna settle down, y’know? Wouldn’t it be nice to have a house that we  _ owned _ ? With our names on the deed and the freedom to do absolutely anything we wanted to it? We’ve been apartment-hopping for nine years… Isn’t it time we finally find that little cottage with the dog and the white picket fence we’ve always wanted?”

Dan pulled away from under Phil’s arm, sitting up to look at him face more directly with a playful glint in his eye. “Little cottage with the dog and the white picket fence sounds like a bit of a stretch. You’re a big enough commitment as is.” Phil feigned offence and shoved Dan jokingly.

“But you get what I mean. When do we get to make the home we’ve always wanted? When do we get to settle?”

“Soon, I think,” Dan started. “But you know how things are. Everything’s just a bit hectic right now. This definitely isn’t a forever home, just somewhere for us to breathe.”

“It feels like we’ve been breathing for a nearly a decade. I’m ready to actually start running.”

They sat quietly for a moment, Dan clearly mulling over his words in his head, trying to find the right ones. This wasn’t a rare conversation for them to have. Phil was always ready and waiting for the day they finally had a place to house their forever. Sometimes, it felt like he would spend the rest of his life just waiting. At the end of the day, being together was really all that mattered, but that didn’t mean that there weren’t times when he imagined something more for the two of them.

“We’ll figure it out. I know we will,” Dan said finally. “I know it’s not the answer you wanted, but it’s the only answer I can figure out how to give. You know we always find a way to make things work out.”

“But when?” Phil asked.

Dan sighed before he spoke, “Soon, definitely. But just… not right now. There’s too much going on for us to get caught up in houses.”

“There’s  _ always _ too much going on,” Phil began, “but we can’t just let that stop us from having a life. Why are we letting excuses stop us from getting what we want?”

“These things take time, you know that. We just have to wait it out.”

“Sometimes I just get so tired of  _ waiting _ .”

“I know you do,” Dan leaned over, wrapping his arms over Phil’s shoulders. “I get tired, too, but I don’t know what else to tell you.”

The pair sat like this for a few moments, just revelling in each other’s warm familiarity. Phil had read somewhere that tights embraces have been shown to reduce anxiety. He squeezed his arms a little tighter around Dan’s waist. Dan’s arms tightened around his shoulders in return. This had become their own little language. Their friends always joked that they had a psychic connection, that they always knew what the other was thinking before the other was ever thinking it. The two of them could speak in tongues and still understand every word. Every little shift and twitch never went unnoticed. That’s just how they were.

Phil knew this stuff stressed Dan out. It stressed him out a little bit, too. Houses were always like this abstract landmark of the future for them. They knew it was going to happen, and they knew it was going to happen  _ soon _ , but  _ soon _ always seemed to move further and further away from them as they got older. Maybe it was getting closer and they just didn’t realize it. Maybe it would sneak up on them sooner than they could anticipate it and leave them no other choice but to jump in before it runs right by them.

The future was always a bit finicky about things like this. 

The rest of their day was spent on the couch, this time a little further apart than their entangled feet from this morning. Phil put on a TV show they’d already seen before, knowing neither of them were going to pay much attention to it. Conversations like forever homes always ended in them just contemplating. They’d contemplate and have another conversation that always circled back to the same points they’d already talked about before and go to bed with a little more space between them than usual.

They both woke up at the same time the next morning without a move made or a word said. No invitations to breakfast, no suggestions for shows to watch, no good morning kisses or sleepy grins. Neither of them were ever very big fighters — arguments were infrequent and quickly resolved between them — but there was something about the topic of a house that left a bitter taste in both of their mouths. Phil was slow to rise but eventually did anyway, leaving Dan to himself in the bed. Knowing him, he'd probably stayed up all night thinking about things. He probably stared at the ceiling long after Phil had fallen asleep and counted the specks while he thought about having a house. Phil knew how worked up Dan got about these kinds of things. He was never really one to jump straight into things. Everything needed a plan with him, and apparently nine years of planning still wasn’t enough.

Phil made himself a bowl of cereal and sat on the couch. He pulled his laptop into his lap and worked on clearing out his email inboxes. Dan always got onto him about his unread emails and red circle notifications. He finished his cereal but hardly put a dent in the emails — too much on his mind to get very far. Phil opened a new tab and began searching for house listings in the area. This was something he only did after conversations like yesterday’s, when home was a fresh soft spot on his mind. Each house was prettier than the one he'd seen before it, and each house felt like a home they could grow old together in. That was always the dream, wasn’t it? 

They also left a burning feeling in the back of his throat, thinking about all these opportunities to finally have a forever that they were  _ missing  _ because of Dan. He made himself a cup of coffee, trying to wash the feeling away, trying to remind himself that it’s not Dan’s fault. These things really did take time, especially with Dan. Phil had to be patient, let Dan ease his way into things, no matter how hard it was for Phil to let himself sit still.

Phil had opened dozens upon dozens of listings, endlessly scrolling through each of them, catering to their every facet and detail. This one had two bathrooms and two bedrooms, which would be great for when they had kids. This one had two bedrooms and a dining room, which meant Phil could cook real dinners like he'd always wanted to. This one had three bedrooms, which meant they’d have an extra room for an office. Dan always complained about having him office stuff in the bedroom, something about it being hard to focus. Phil kept that in mind as he scrolled through more listings, ruling out the houses that wouldn’t work for the criteria neither of them had ever really established but Phil knew they wanted.

Finally, he found what looked like the perfect forever home. Three bedrooms, two bathrooms, a dining room, even more little things neither of them had ever even considered before. Everything really did seem perfect. 

Phil heard the floor creaking and looked up to see Dan slugging his way out of the bedroom, yawning as he scratched his shoulder. Phil debated whether he should leave the listing tab open or switch into something nonchalant. He decided to leave it open, Dan sitting down next to him and resting his head on Phil’s shoulder. Phil waited for Dan to look at him screen and say something — he  _ hoped  _ for that same cheeky, giggly, “well what are  _ you _ looking at?” smile that made him feel so warm inside. He glanced down at Dan’s face, seeing his closed eyes.

“Dan?” he said quietly, nudging his head softly with his shoulder.

“Hm?” Dan kept his eyes closed. 

“I’ve got something to show you,” Phil hoped Dan could hear the smile in his voice.

“‘m tired.”

“I know you are,” Phil started, “but will you look for just a sec?”

Dan raised his head slightly from Phil’s shoulder, looking at the screen. “Where did you find that?”

“I  _ may or may not _ look up house listings after every time we talk about houses,” Phil admitted shyly, like when Dan finds out he didn’t do the dishes when it was his turn.

Dan grabbed the laptop from Phil’s lap and moved it into his own, Phil’s head now leaning closer to his shoulder as he scrolled through the page.

“It’s-” Dan started.

“Perfect?”

“I mean,  _ yeah _ , actually,” Dan laughed. Phil had missed hearing that laugh, even having only gone a few hours without hearing it.

“It’s got extra rooms for kids  _ and  _ an office, and a real dining room, and-”

“It’s a lot of money, Phil,” Dan interrupted him.

“Nothing we can’t handle,” Phil reasoned.

“But what about all the stuff we have planned for next year?” Dan asked. “Do you really want to pile house stress  _ on top  _ of that?” 

“You know we can handle it.”

Dan scrolled through the listing page some more, rereading the little blurbs of information. “But it really  _ is _ perfect.”

Phil didn’t say anything in response, just let Dan read and reread the page over and over again.

“I dunno,” Dan said, moving the laptop to the coffee table. “That really is a big responsibility. I’m just not sure if  _ now _ ’s the right time to be getting into buying a house.”

“When  _ is  _ the right time, Dan?” Phil said. “We end up spending more on rent than we would just buying a house. And we can’t just stay in this apartment forever.”

“I know we can’t,” Dan paused, looking at Phil, “and this apartment  _ isn’t _ a forever, but I  _ really _ don’t think now’s the time to go off buying houses. Maybe we can try next year.”

“Why are you so  _ reluctant _ ?” Phil didn’t mean to raise his voice, but he really was growing frustrated with all this back-and-forth and never getting anywhere, never  _ going  _ anywhere.

“Because I’m  _ scared _ , Phil,” Dan admitted quickly, raising his voice to the same meter. Phil’s face softened as they looked at each other. “Because what we have right now is  _ good _ — so good — and I promise I want the dogs and the kids and the white picket fence just as much as you do — maybe even more. I want  _ everything  _ with you, but I’m terrified of messing it all up.”

Phil furrowed his eyebrows, concerned. “How would we mess it up?”

Dan looked down at his hands, picking at his fingernails. “I don’t know,” he admitted. “I’m just worried that something might happen and change everything we’ve spent so long making for ourselves.”

“Hey,” Phil pulled Dan’s hands away. Dan kept his eyes in his lap, “Look at me,” he said softly, moving his hands to Dan’s chin and raising it up. “We’re not gonna mess this up. I  _ promise  _ you we’re not gonna mess this up. I’m not gonna let us, okay?”

Dan nodded, his eyes softening as he looked at Phil. Phil brought his hands down from Dan’s waist and wrapped them around his waist, pulling him close against his. He felt Dan’s arms come over him shoulders in return; they squeezed each other tightly.

“Do you still want some more time to think about it?” Phil said into Dan’s shoulder, brown hair getting caught in his mouth. Dan pulled back a bit, keeping his arms over Phil’s shoulders but this time looking at his face. He studied it for a moment, eyes running over the different features in Phil’s face.

Dan took a deep breath, “Maybe now’s the time. And there’s no guarantee that this is gonna be  _ the  _ house, but we can still… see our options, I guess.”

“You sure?” Phil asked. “We can take all the time you need. I shouldn’t have been so pushy, I know how you get about stuff like this, I’m sor-”

“You don’t have to be sorry,” Dan interrupted, “It’s time for me to stop worrying. If I want us to have that future — and I really do — then I can’t keep being terrified of it.” Dan turned to the laptop screen, then back to Phil, back and forth for a moment. “We can… Let’s try booking a viewing. Just to see how it goes.”

Phil’s face lit up at the words, beaming at Dan as he finally gave in. Or maybe it wasn’t really giving in; maybe it was finally letting go of everything in him that was holding them back from what they knew they wanted since the very beginning. 

Dan smiled back at Phil.

All those years were always worth it. Just to see that smile.


End file.
